BACK TO THE FUTURE

Ok.. I am still alive. Its just that all this time I was thinking of being a great writer and never wrote more than a page. The best thing I can write about is my life and believe me, if I write the whole thing, Ekta Kapoor is going to grab the rights. But then how can I do it when my life is connected to the lives of so many others who wouldn't want to lose their privacy. May be I will write something down and keep it hidden and it can be published after my time.

Other than that I can't bring myself to write in malayalam. But I want to write in English, I am very particular about the theme and surroundings and I want them to be in harmony with my language. So I think my forte should be non-fiction. Thats what I did all this time. I came to a decision that I am going to write something that will make a difference in this world.

But all this is possible if and only if I get to think straight, without any major distractions. Now a days my major distraction is the fact that I am still not a mother. And the only person who will understand my explanation is my mother, who will never try to justify her daughter in front of others in matters that are trivial. Sometimes I am forced to believe that the main aim of any human being, both male and female is to bring children onto earth, and give everything to them.... I don't think like that. But I do want kids.. I would love to have more than one. But I am not desperate and I don't want others telling me when to have my baby. If it wasn't for my PC Ovaries I would have had kids by now.

I don't know how people fix their priorities. Because almost always it goes wrong, because one persons priorities seldom match with another's and human beings are social animals, so always there is a possibility for priorities to clash.

If I go on writing like this, it will be never ending. But I have to make kadala curry and wheat puttu. So gotta go.. See you guys some other time.

From a Hindu.

Hindutva or Hinduism is not a dogmatic or structured way of religion or culture or God worship. It is not a way of narrow-minded restricted living. Hindutva is a method to search for the ultimate truth or spirit. It is the most original and ancient way to reach God. Every other religion has something or the other that is originally not theirs, but being a Hindu means being an original.

Religion is not something that you are when you are in your mother’s womb. It is something that is given to inherit from your parents. So if you are born to parents of a particular religion, then you you belong to that religion by default. It is supposed to guide us through the blacks and whites of our life. But Hindutva is not a religion and is a way of living, so it can be a part of your life even when you are deep inside your mother.

Every religion has a God and they have to believe in that one God irrespective of their likes and dislikes. Many believe in God because they are scared of being punished. But in Hindutva you can choose your God from among the many and the fear factor is restricted to a few forms of God. In most of the religions it is believed that they will obtain salvation only if they follow their particular religion and God. But Hindutva never speaks about saving Hindus. It speaks for the whole of the mankind or rather the whole of the universe. Every living and non-living thing is the same in the eyes of God.

May be Hinduism, if it can be called a religion as so adamantly insisted by many, is one among the very rare religions in which there is no fixed evil. In Hindutva there is no name for the evil one, because, there is no devil. Good and evil are two things that co-exist in the universe. If that is so, then how can Indian culture be good and western culture be evil? When God sees Indians and Americans as the same, then why would he put forth different standards of Good and Evil?

But before that we must understand that there is no White or Black as such in Hindutva. Everything is in shades of grey. You can belong to a darker shade or a lighter shade all according to your actions. Like any other religion or practice Hindutva also urges to fight the evil. The evil that is mentioned here is not a separate entity like a different country or culture. The evil resides within all of us and we have to fight against this inward ugliness to reach a lighter shade of grey. To fight this evil we have to recognize its existence within ourselves and experience it. Without experiencing evil one cannot fight it.

Every religion or mythology or epic mentions about Holy wars. A holy war is not fought against someone else. It is not a war in which a few people fight against some others with weapons. It is a war that each and every one of us has to fight against all those factors within us, which are distancing us from reaching the ultimate truth of life. So the greatest war was not the one between the Pandavas and Kouravas, it was the war that Arjuna had within himself. To fight or not to fight. And Lord Krishna showed him the way. Mahabharata is not just a story. It is a lesson and the most important chapter is the Geethopadesham. Any Hindu who has understood the Bhagavath Geetha will ever behave like the Shiv sena or the Ram sena.

In all the epics and mythical stories that lay the foundation of Hindutva, there are only a few things to learn.

One
No man or woman is good or bad by birth, it is their Karma that makes them do what they are doing and whatever they do, it has been previously decided by God almighty. No one can do anything against the will of God.

Two
Everything that happens, happens for a reason and no one can stop it from happening and if anything is stopped at all, it is because it was meant to be stopped.

Three
Man is a simple creature in comparison to God and man can be closer to God only by fulfilling his karma and dharma.

Four
Above all, Hindutva is all about respecting, humbleness, simplicity, love, understanding and broadmindedness.

(To be continued...)

There it goes....

Sometimes I think I have matured so much. Sometimes I think I already know what all the philosophers in this world conveyed as the secret to a happy life. But then sometimes I simply lose all the control over my temper. Those are the times when I feel ignored or taken for granted. But before going into all that I would like to tell my readers that I was not blogging for the past few months because I got a part time contract based job and I was busy like hell managing the job and home. Now the contract is over and I am free. By going for the job I realized two things. One is that if I want I can start working anytime and I haven't lost touch. The second is that I hate to work. I simply hate it. I do love the fact that I get some money for the work I do. But I hate the fact that I never get to keep it. I hate the fact that I am not able to find time for myself. But then I am the only person who is bothered about me. My mother sent me a message and it said that the whole universe helps us to fulfill our dreams, no matter how stupid or silly it may seem to those around me and only we ourselves know the pain it takes to fulfill those dreams. True...... very true. I have been discouraged so much or guided so much through other channels that, now I am reluctant to share my dream with anyone else. So back to my temper. I hate lies, false accusations, buck passing and broken promises. How can people be so petty and so selfish and so carried away? It hurts when someone so close to me fails to make me feel special. Everyone knows they are not special. But the people who claim to love us are supposed to make us feel special. Buying something expensive or a candle lit dinner may not do the job. It may be something as simple as "I will make you a coffee" or "Today I am not going with my friends, I will stay with you and we will do together all those things that I do with my friends" and so on. I often see men spending money for their wives, but they forget to spend some time with their wives. How about holding an umbrella while she is doing some outdoor activity and telling her he doesn't want to ruin her complexion? Do I sound filmy? But take my word, it works. It works miracles. Oh Oh!! By the way its my time to work miracles in the kitchen and there goes my ............. Damn!! So TATA BYE BYE

The Way to Victory

The new Golden boy for us Indians is Abhinav Bhindra. They say it’s the first ever Olympic gold medal for India in an individual item. Also this Gold medal was the price for India for waiting for 28 years, since the gold medal in hockey in 1980. Everyone is happy and so am I.

But there is something that we conveniently forget. Why is it so, that India had to wait for such a long time to achieve such a victory? The reasons that any one will put forward can be varying. Some may say that because of lack of funds or infrastructure or proper training. Or the authorities can simply state that Indian sports persons are just not Olympic material. Then there will be another group of ardent sports fans who may say that it is because our kids are not given the proper encouragement, at the proper age. I admit that it is all true.

But I think above all, what we lack is the heart to win. I happened to see the women’s archery competition. It was a qualifying round and when I saw there were only three more shots to fire. There was a contestant from Korea called Kwon Un Sil and the contestant from India called Pranitha Vardhineni. Two shots were fired in the order that the Indian fires first and then the competitor. The second shot of Un Sil was much better than that of Vardhineni and naturally she got a better and louder applause. After the second set of shots the point status was 99 for India and 96 for the competitor. But our contestant visibly lost heart after the second shot, probably by seeing a much better shot by the opponent that she fired the last shot without confidence and it turned out to be the worst among the three, while Un Sil did better than both her shots before and won the qualifying round. At that time the camera focused on our girl as she was packing her bags and the heaviness of her heart could be clearly seen in her eyes.

So that is why I said, what we lack most is the spirit in our hearts to win. If the true spirit is there almost anyone in our Olympic can bring home a gold medal, for all of them are equally talented. So it is not the training alone that matters. No amount of funds or training or even the state of art infrastructure can by a Gold medal, if you don’t have it in your heart to win. Our main problem is that our spirit is like the carbon dioxide locked down in a soda bottle. When the bottle opens there is a considerably good effervescence and after keeping it open for some time, there is not even a single bubble even if you shake it.

Our sports people, be it cricket or hockey or football or any other form, lose their heart with a single defeat or one wrong move and simply give up trying. It seems that we just decide that we can’t win. Some times it is as if we have taken it for granted that only China, Australia, Russia or USA can win matches and medals. We are a nation having the one sixth of the total world population and still we think that others can out so us. It is so funny, isn’t it? How can we forget the history of our nation where many of our forefathers never looked back or thought twice before walking in to the cross of fire of the British? How can we forget the spirit of people like Bhagath Singh and Mahatma Gandhi who never lost their heart even when they were tortured and beaten up? How can we forget the everlasting courage of our nations leaders who tried and tried till they got us what we enjoy today, our freedom? Where is that spirit of ours which makes us hold on to Kashmir? Where is that heart of ours which gives us strength to uphold our values and culture? Why do we have to lose more than win when it comes to sports?

Once I heard in a Page 3 News report that Tom and Katie Cruise was stuck in a hotel room in France for more than three hours due to a traffic jam caused by the arrival of Shahrukh Khan, that too at a time when their marriage had given them huge publicity. If a Shahrukh Khan can do it in the field of entertainment, why isn’t there anyone to do so from sports? Of course we do have Sachin Tendulkar, Sania Mirza, Vishwanathan Anand and now Abhinav Bhindra. But is that enough? So, what I think is, may be we should start the preparations from the psychological level. The encouragement to try without losing heart till a victory is achieved and to maintain that victory after that must be given to kids at a very early age, so that it helps them in whichever field they choose to follow.

As for sports persons, the true inspiration is believing in oneself. Just remember the dialogue in Chak De before the final match, “ Today I am not going to tell you how to play, you have to play your own match. You have to go out there for that seventy minutes and play. Once played, not even God can take back those seventy minutes. So go out there in the field and play your best and make yourself proud for that seventy minutes for the rest of your lives.” Happy Independence Day.

Being Bean and Ok with it.

I love to watch cartoon network and POGO. Apart from my favorite cartoons like tom and jerry, loony toons and woody woodpecker, I religiously watch Mr. Bean. Although the episodes have been repeatedly telecasted over the years, I still love to watch the show. I don't like the animated version, because Mr. Bean can be enjoyed only if portrayed by Rowan Atkinson, not animation.

I know many people who doesn't like or even hate Mr. Bean. But I love to watch him because in today's world you seldom see people with that sort of openness, innocence and ignorance. And it is ok to be among the very few like Bean.




Just watching him gives me an assurance to remain what I am. It is just so good to see him so happy being himself. He may seem nerdy or awkward or foolosh to those around him. In the show he is shown as someone who doesn't have any friends, but he is contended with the one friend he has, his teddy bear. Even that teddy is note as cute as other teddies. But he is different.

I am not forgetting his girlfriend Irma Gobb. Irma seems to love Bean, but he sees her more as a companion rather than a love interest. In one of the episodes she leaves him, when he fails to propose to her. Rowan Atkinson himself had once said that "Bean is a child imprisoned in a man's body". Like that he is happy with the child in him. He thinks he can do things in a better way than others. He is so systematic and tidy. He is a do-it-all-yourself guy and unfortunate enough for others, he often disrupts them.

Most of he times I feel as if he is watching us through the TV, seeing us laugh at him and I feel as if he is laughing at us for what we are, similar to one another, while he is so different. People are not always dashing or ravishing. They are not always intelligent and talented. Not all of us have enough common sense. But we try to hide our true selves and project ourselves as someone else. We want others to admire us. We want to be the best, the popular and the fairest. But we conveniently forget the truth that there is a Bean inside all of us and when we laugh at him, it is satisfying, because in a way we are laughing at our own inner selves.

Some times we try to work on some gadgets or repairs and we fail. What do we do? We give up and say "its not for me". But we never admit the fact that we want it badly and its not for us because we can't get it going. But Bean? He tries. He tries real hard. May be we laugh at his efforts, but they make him unique. His difference from all of us makes him really Special. He dares to be different and stupid, while all of us tries to impress one another and be like some one else. He is impressed by himself and he himself is the only person he needs to impress. Just look at the way he parks his car. Everytime he does it, he overturns or crashes another vehicle. But he is always happy by the way he parked his car and it is nice to see the proud smile on his face, when he secures the car door with a rope.

So, ask me, and I would say, it is not just OK, but its great to be Mr. Bean. No matter what you are, you will feel happy and contended and above all like there is no other Bean, there will be no other you or me.... Don't we always wish to be some one totally different from others? Now is the time, Be yourself and Be different.

From what To what!! The real train of thoughts?

Everyone has dear ones in their lives, like father or mother or sibling or spouse or friend or some one like that. Even I have many people who are dear to me. And believe it or not, even some of my foes are dear to me. It always confuses me when I try to find a reason why they are dear to me. At least once in a day I think about that. Still I haven't found an answer. I think of such things when I am in the kitchen or in the garden. And sometimes I think of these things while I go for rides with my husband, R. He loves to drive, be it a car or a bike. So while he is enjoying the drive I let loose my train of thoughts. And if I am not thinking and confusing myself I look around myself and analyze the the things that are happening around me. If that is also not happening I sleep.



Sleep...... Sleep is the greatest blessing to man. Its the most precious natural phenomenon. We may have hundreds of problems and according to me half of them can be solved by sleeping off. And above all I love to sleep. I can sleep in many ways, with my eyes open or closed, while sitting or standing or lying down etc etc. I love all these types of sleeping. But one of my favorite sleeping is when I am traveling. While I was studying for my MBA I had a total of two hour traveling in a day. The only disturbances in my sleep during those times were the ticket checkers and the well conditioned roads of Kerala. What is transportation through our roads without sudden brakes?



Even though the traveling at those times were tedious I liked the transport minister of Kerala during that time, B. Ganesh Kumar. May be it was because he was young and had unconventional methods to impart progress in the transport department. May be it was because he was full of sense as much as he was full of non-sense. May be it was because he was a film actor, and his face was familiar as a result. Of course he was not a lead actor, but a supporting actor. But the truth is that I always notice the supporting actors more than the lead actors. Most of them are both good looking and better actors than many of the lead actors, at least here in Malayalam film industry. But they seem to lack something, may be luck.



No! Don't ask me if I am lucky or whether I have luck. I am just not interested in listing out all the incidents in my life so that myself or you my dear reader is able to analyze whether I have luck or not. If I do so, I will get irritated, then angry, then loony and then may be my heart will just stop beating. And then....... I will die. I hate dying or rather I am scared of dying. I think it will be terrifying to close your eyes one last time with the realization that what you see at that time is the very last of what you get to see in this world. It will be terrifying, I am sure.



Some people are called terrorists because they have demonstrated the extent of terror death or near to death causalities can cause. One such terrorist is Osama Bin Muhammed Bin Laden. He is smart. If not how could he own the whole world. the world consists of people who love him, hate him or is interested to know more about him. See how he is still fooling so much people all around the world in spite of the intensive search to arrest him and produce him before the International court of justice.



Oh Crap!!!! Why should I bother while I have my dear ones and I am dear to at least some of them.

Life and hope

Sometimes when I think my life is being unjust to me, God shows a sign to let me know that he sees me through a corner of his eyes if not directly and fully. Every time when I am down something good happens and it brings a ray of hope and then I think life is not as bad as I think it is to be.

I may sound silly if I say one such issue is the tug of war between me and my husband regarding our PC. He is always busy working on it and when I feel like typing up something it’s engaged. For the past few weeks I have been feeling very low about this situation and today morning I was on the verge of asking him to buy me another PC and it would have sounded childish. But then his head office rang him up and told him that they have decided to give him a laptop as a token of appreciation of his good work. Isn’t it a good sign for me? I think yes it is good.

The above said instance may be a small one. But these sorts of solutions come up to almost all of my problems irrespective of the intensity of the issues. Dear friend, if you are person who knows me personally and well enough to understand me, you may think I am in a good mood today. Yes, I am and I hate to be in a bad mood on any given day.

Who doesn’t have problems in their lives? It’s just that nobody has the time to raise their heads from their own problems, so that they can look around to see what others are going through. Some does not want to see their surroundings, to keep themselves as the centre of their own worlds. But through the different experiences in my life I have learnt to live my life to the fullest, come what may.

A year back I was worried like hell when my husband had a lymph node infection. He had to take medicines for about nine months before he was hundred percent cured. But now I know someone my age whose husband has been diagnosed with sarcoma in the lungs. So I am lucky, am I not? This is just one instance. I can find similar comparisons for each problem of mine.

So I just want everyone to raise their heads and look around. Then only we can view our problems in a wider perspective and that will help us to realize that the solutions to all our problems lie within ourselves and we just need to identify them and many a times we may even be able to help others too.